Thursday, December 15, 2016

(OT) A Deluge Of Love

"How does it feel to be a mom?"

I get that question a lot. It seems like such a simple question, but it couldn't have a more complicated answer.

How does it feel to be a mom? I think the shortest answer is: overwhelming. I'm overwhelmed.

I'm overwhelmed with confusion, and exhaustion. (Oh...the exhaustion.) I'm overwhelmed with laughter and smiles, and sheer joy. I'm overwhelmed with anticipation for the future. I'm overwhelmed by the lightening fast changes.
I'm engulfed by WORRY. (The's palpable, especially in the small hours of the morning.) I'm overwhelmed by the constantly growing "to-do" list. I'm drowning in laundry and cleaning and dishes. I'm overwhelmed by all other aspects of my life, because it is very difficult to keep up with the rest of the world. I feel like I am running a race, and I am very far behind. I'm constantly beleaguered with the need to feed, clothe, change, entertain, and soothe this little being.

But on top of all things, the most prominent sentiment...the feeling that conquers them all, with it's resolute presence? I am so totally overwhelmed with love. The love flows like a constant, unwavering deluge. Love like I never knew existed. It's a feeling that you just cannot understand or explain until you have a child. It's like a piece of me from inside is now on the outside. And he's this little beautiful, smiling, happy-go-lucky boy who just now consumes all of my waking moments.

He is the everything in my life. The sun rises and it sets with his smiles and laughter. His heartbeats make mine skip. The little, soft hands touch my face and, in turn, melt my heart. He fills me up in places that I didn't know were empty. He is the very heart and soul inside me.

He is so overwhelmingly all-consuming that sometimes I just can't stand it. So that. That is how it feels to be a mother. It's wonderful, and confusing, and hilarious, and maddening, and exhausting, and overwhelming.

How does it feel to be a mother? Even "overwhelming" doesn't seem to do it justice. But it is absolutely the best thing that I have ever done. Being his momma is the best, but most difficult experience of my life...and I can't wait to see what our future holds. 

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